My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How external is "for external use only"?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
