I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
