based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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