I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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