hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
