He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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