I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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