I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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