Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize