I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
