i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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