Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
