he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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