When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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