a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
