apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
