sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
