we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
