I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
