i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
