Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
