If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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