I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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