yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
