Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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