I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
