The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
