is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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