I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
