Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
