I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is Oprah even human
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
