thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
