dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
