I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
