We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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