He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
