Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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