There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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