Can i not drive my cunt home
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
