bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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