Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
