so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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