You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
