dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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