theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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