that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
