3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
