So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize