He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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