You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
