Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
