that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
