life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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