I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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